Ain’t no sunshine

I left my world behind…

It was a long time ago..

my heart ache a little… each time I think about it…

coz I left my world behind…

Sweet November

It is typical gal meets boy story but not so typical.

Sarah was not your regular gal next door. She hates rules… rules about the society.. rules about how one should act… essentially how one should be.. She loved life and whatever it may bring. She saw the world being limitless.. being magical.. She was amazed about things that ppl took for granted.. things that we forgot to appreciate.

Nelson was a boy who was obsessed with this work, who took pride in it.. and lived his life around it. He was like most of us.. dependent on the cellphone.. on the internet.. on tv.. His life was void of emotions.. Emotions to him, were valueless.. were a waste of time.. were a weakness..

The plot is quite bizarre but just focus on the above shall we? I was told to watch this movie… bcoz Sarah reminded someone of me… and so i did…

I must say 15 mins into it.. I was abit insulted.. coz Sarah looked like a crazy gal.. but i watch on… and realised that hey.. she wasn’t a rebel without a cause.. Her seemingly reckless actions.. were to achieve something good… she has a good heart… but her ways are sometimes.. a little.. unorthodox..

I think i can somewhat relate to her… I dont like rules.. I agree that there should be boundaries to ensure the effective functioning of the society.. but other than that.. I am an advocate of individualism.. One should be able to express their views… and to be respected for what they believe.. But of coz.. one has to be responsible in the course of such expressions. Being responsible and respectful I think should be the baseline of every individual notwithstanding on how different we are.. that’s my take on individualism.

On the point about seeing the magic in day to day stuffs… I think many a times… we let the child in us die too early… too young. I remember when I was in sec school… my friend asked me.. why was I so happy every day.. what was there to be happy about..? I was stumped for a moment.. happiness comes so naturally to me.. going to school… seeing friends… learning new things in class.. eating during recess.. What’s there not to be happy about?!?! There are so many things to look forward to.. Do you know how many books are there in a library? Do you know how much knowledge is that? And how little you know? How can one be bored about life when there are so much to look forward to?

In school, some kids want to be seen as the “seen-it-all” and the “know-it-all”.. so they behaved like they were uninterested in school.. they looked bored with what their friends tell them.. you know in order to give that impression that they were not easily impressed.. I think that’s coz they thought that’ll make them cool… and it eventually got to them.. it became a habit.. perhaps also made them more obsessed with material stuffs.. new I.T gadgets.. new branded stuffs.. and they forgot how to appreciate the magic in a flower… i think.. that’s sad.. Perhaps that’s why some ppl are depressed.. as nothing excites them.. they cannot find happiness in the things around them… they can’t see it.

And i think these are the ppl who are also easily sucked in the wild goose chase.. what are they chasing? The goals that society sets… bigger houses.. bigger cars.. branded whatevers.. fame.. power.. But perhaps like Nelson in the movie… this.. these.. are all ok~ afterall everyone is doing it.. look around you.. but when you become that.. misery will always be one step behind you.. waiting to devour you when you lose your footing on the next..

Stop and smell a flower.. life is not a competition… you don’t have to rush through it.. =)

Protected: What’s beneath…

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If you’re happy and you know it… be alone!

I have a friend who is a relationship drifter…
He floats from person to person.. but unlike the vast number of drifters, he is not in search of new adventures.. Although he boasts of the new someone being hotter.. bustier.. but he was never as excited as the current one that he’s dating…
And what’s so special about this one, you may ask… Well… surprisingly I think he is happy because he sees a potential of settling down with this one. The possibility of abandoning his floating life.

I think as much as some of us denies it… we have this innate need to feel wanted and belonged. Well at times we wished that we can be left alone… but perhaps just for a short while.

I asked another friend of mine today… isn’t better to be alone than in an abusive relationship where the person is psycho or takes you for granted..? Well apparently no… the fear of loneliness can be so great that one would choose to stay in a relationship, albeit an abusive one, just to avoid it.

To me, there is nothing more important than loving yourself. But more so the need to have respect for yourself. In a relationship, someone can only take advantage of you… only if you allow him/ her to… and that’s true. Many a times, we give excuses like.. “I am old.. it is difficult for me to find someone else”… “I have already been with this person for so long…” “it is tiring to get to know a person from scratch again” Firstly, one has to realise that you need to respect yourself.. and by that.. it meant no one is entitled to treat you poorly. You need to realise that it is not ok… to be ill-treated.. No one has the right to tell you or let you feel worthless. By saying no to all the excuses above… you are empowering yourself to walk out of the abuse. Put a stop to it.. bcoz no one would respect you… if you do not respect yourself… and you may end up hating yourself bcoz you let that happen to you.

Another thing is that being alone is not scary. A single chopstick is still functional.. you still can eat a fish ball with it… =)  The thing is being alone gives you time to look deeper into yourself. You have more time to think about how you can be a better someone.. be it a better daughter.. a better boss.. a better person in general.

It is not scary to go to the movies alone… it is only scary coz you care about what others think about you.. But seriously.. why does it matter? Firstly, these ppl don’t know you.. you probably won’t see them again.. with that… why then do their opinions matter?

It is not scary to go to the bar alone to meet new ppl… You do not necessarily have to meet ppl that you want to date… Just talk to ppl.. see the world from their eyes.. Make new friends… coz the old ones probably know you too well and are tired of most of your jokes…
With new people.. you get reminded of how an amazing person you are..

So yea..the ironic thing is.. you need to learn to be alone to be able to find your soulmate.. Being alone allows you to know yourself better… you tend to know more of what you want in life or in a partner.. most importantly it gives you the courage to walk out when Mr Right is actually so wrong..

So yea… with that.. happy being alone!

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The Story of Eiffel

The best thing that had happened to me after I graduate was Eiffel.

I have always wanted a dog, but my mum didn’t like furry animals so she rejected my request… and when I persisted.. she told me she will only keep one in the house.. and asked me to choose.. the dog or me…

Oh well.. so i kept fishes, spiders, ants and i secretly kept a hamster in school which died tragically but that’s besides the point.. today we are talking about Eiffel.

The idea of having a dog resurfaced when i visited Joey.. She had 2 dogs and 2 bunnies all “running wild” at home.. It was awesome to be there.. to have all the animals coming up to you for pats and hugs… And so i decided to have mine.

I wanted a dog with a snout.. and wolfish.. so I tot i should get a Japanese Spitz..! Don’t be mistaken.. my mum didn’t change her mind at this point in time, she is still against the idea of having a dog.. but less resistant thanks to the Dog Whisperer.. So armed with my little plot, i visited the Pasir Ris Pet Farm with Joey.

We arrived at the first kennel right at the main road.. and amongst the spitz litter.. there she is.. hopping here and there hoping to catch my attention.. when that failed, she wrestled her way to get to my hand.. what a sweetheart.. I wanted to get her so much but was afraid to take her home… plus we (Joey and I) had a paddle boarding schedule to meet.. So i decided to come back the following week.. (to also give me some time to psych myself up)

We went back to the kennel only after 2 weeks because i was a scardy cat… I couldn’t cross the barrier.. really don’t have the courage… until the conversation with a colleague of mine. I told her that maybe i should wait till i finish the Law programme and by then i might have more time for a dog.. Then she said.. “yea.. that’s what we would usually do when we are making decisions.. let’s wait and see… but if not now then when?” Simple yet powerful.. at least for me lahhh… i guess i just needed the push… so i went back to the kennel that weekend.

The puppy was gone.. she was sold.. why was i even surprised… she was such a sweetheart.. disappointed yet relieved.. coz i was abit apprehensive about facing the situation at home if the plan fall through. But the defiant kid in me kept urging me to go ahead with it.

So I went around other kennels looking for another Spitz puppy… but i couldn’t “connect” with any.. But we kept walking.. i was telling myself.. it’s ok.. just look at how adorable the puppies are..

Ray’s Kennel was the last stop for us… the helpful Joey went up to the uncle and asked if he has a female Japanese Spitz.. and coincidently, he does! He placed the puppy in a cage on the upper deck so that i can have a comfortable view.. Unfortuntely, she wasn’t interested in me but was more concerned with the puppy Daschund next door… so half the time i was watching her ass..

Just when i was about to leave, i noticed a tapping my my shorts… and there in the cage at the lower deck.. in the dark corner… was Eiffel.. I knew that she was a Shetland from her distinctive features.. I had initially wanted a Shetland Sheepdog… just like Lassie.. but according to Google.. Shelties are usually energetic and needed alot of exercises… Abandoned the hope coz i don’t think mum and dad can handle that..

And there I was staring at a Shetland pup.. her coat was a mixture of black, white and brown… she looked dirty.. and unkept with most of the fur mashed up.. But she was interesting because when i held up my hand and asked for a “high 5”, she gave me her paw through the grills.. Amazed. I tried again.. and she did it again! Impressed. The uncle then took her out from her cage and let her roam in a much bigger cage.. she was pacing up and down… which was kinda not v good sign..it’s a sign of being hyper and unsettled. So i went up to her.. as i approached, she stopped and went into a prone position. She did that twice! Can’t be a coincidence right… so i tot maybe i can give her a shot since she did not appear to be that unmanageable.. So i mustered all my courage and brought her home…

I can still remember we standing in front of the front gate.. I took the longest time to call out to my mum.. When mum saw Eiffel.. she was like… “you go and tell daddy yourself…” So the beaming me and Pearlyn (who also happily conspired beforehand) started setting up the fences.. and as we were about done, daddy came home… I went up to dad, covered his eyes and told him that i had a surprise for him (which is not wrong). Then i brough him to Eiffel.. he was like “Aiyooooohhhhhhhh…… you ah.. i told you no already….” Seems like he didn’t know his daughters at all.. but anyway.. his reactions were unimportant because by then Pearlyn was already sitting beside Eiffel’s cage and strumming the guitar and singing to her (a sign of no return).

But dad eventually fell in love with her.. technically.. within a week. I told dad that the pet shop owner said he would take Eiffel back if we do not like her.. but that decision had to be made within a week. (which was not true, he never said such things, where got so nice.. you tell me..) So when the week was up, i asked dad if we should keep her.. if no, i will have to bring her back… and dad asked if I can delay bringing Eiffel back and asked if we could have another week with her… That’s it..!! He agreed to let her stay..!! hee hee hee

So the next day, i brought Eiffel to Pasir Ris Pet Farm to shop for a pair of new shoes… new food and water bowl.. coz i took the liberty to read between the lines of dad’s request.. and based on all the psychology related books and articles.. ppl are hesitant to say yes because they are afraid of the commitment!! Having a dog is a great commitment..! Dad needed to take a leap of faith.. he was at the edge but didn’t dare to jump… So i gave him a push !!!

He jumped.. (he had to) and it turns out fine.. everyone is so attached to Eiffel now!!

LadySmileSmoking

 

When I Grow Up…

It’s been 2 years since my last post… been trying to reconcile with the reality. Lost my soul for a while..  managed to find it recently.

When i was young.. my mother told me that “Do not do unto others as you would that they should do unto you”. When I grow up I realised some unscrupulous people had learnt how to capitalise on people who live by this saying. Like parasites, they cannot live on their own because they do not have the ability to. So they seek refuge in you, making use of what you can offer. As you wither from exhaustions, they prosper from your fight. They may disguise themselves as your comrades but do not be fooled, for when faced with danger… you are on your own. Then as you heal yourself from the unforgiving wounds, they appear to shower you with concerns and you let them in… and then, you go through the cycle again…      

When I was young… my mother told me that “when you grow up.. find a good husband.. have a nice house.. and have good kids..”. When I grow up I realized whenever I pass the coffee shop, I see middle-aged couples having their dinner together with their kids, in silence. When they are done, the kids pull out their Ipads or Iphones and the parents continue to finish their coffee. And I wonder to myself… can I live like that for 20? 30? Or 40 years?

When I was young.. my mother told me that, as your mother.. I am telling you that you will never make it in life.. I kept these words in mind.. Never believed in them but I kept them with me. Every now and then, I take them out and each time I am convinced that raising a child is difficult. Not everyone can be a good parent.. indeed, but you see the majority reproducing. Every parent want the kid to be obedient. Obedient kids will listen to them.. they follow their instructions, the kids internalize the instructions.. believe in them and carry them out. Believe.. because obedient kids trusted their parents. So what if your parent tells you that you will never make it in life? How many of these obedient kids have gone down a different path in life because of their parents, because of the way that they were nurtured? I was defiant since young and loved to challenge my parents mostly because I do not believe in them. I blame God for giving me my parents but thank Him for giving me defiance to pick myself up

Funny how life is a journey to unlearn the things that were taught.